Wanted and Needed in Marriage – A Reflection on God's Design

Focus Scripture

“It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” – Genesis 2:18

“I have found the one whom my soul loves.” – Song of Solomon 3:4

Thoughts

In the beauty of God’s design for marriage, there is a divine balance between being needed and being wanted.

To be needed is to be essential to your spouse’s life and calling. From the beginning, God said it was not good for man to be alone, so He created a helper—equal, complementary, and essential. In marriage, we support one another, carry each other’s burdens, raise families, face trials, and grow in faith together. Our need for each other reflects God's wisdom in creating companionship and partnership.

But being wanted is different—and just as sacred. It's not about duty; it’s about desire. It's the spark that keeps love alive. In Song of Solomon, we see the poetic expression of longing, pursuit, and joy in being chosen. To be wanted means your spouse delights in you, cherishes you, and pursues you—not just out of obligation, but out of love.

Jesus models both for us. He needs nothing, yet He wants us. He chose to lay down His life for His bride, the Church—not because we were useful, but because He loves us.

So in marriage, strive for both. Be the partner who is reliable and strong—needed in the storms. But also be the partner who loves deeply—who chooses and cherishes your spouse daily.

Life Application

• Reflect on how you show both need and desire in your marriage. Ask yourself: Does my spouse know they are essential to my life—and also deeply wanted?

• Take intentional steps this week to express both. Do something practical that meets a need (help with a burden, listen well, pray together), and something intentional that expresses desire (plan a date, leave a note, speak words of affirmation).

• Pray together. Invite God into your relationship—not just to sustain it, but to rekindle joy, intimacy, and purpose. A marriage rooted in Christ flourishes in both strength and tenderness.

Closing Prayer

Lord, thank You for the gift of marriage. Help us to serve one another in love, meeting each other’s needs with grace. But also ignite in us a deep desire to pursue and cherish one another—not out of duty, but out of love. Teach us to love like You love. Amen.